margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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