I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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