I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
