the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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