i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
im six kinds of drunk right now
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
