I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
