The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
