And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
