I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
