i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
