she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize