Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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