im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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