im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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