My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
