So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
if only i could text you this smell
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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