It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
