I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
