Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
