I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
