five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the day after is always just damage control
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize