I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
