Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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