He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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