I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
