i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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