ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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