last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You have to summon your inner elephant
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
