just come out here and I will go home with you...
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
