you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
