Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
