Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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