Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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