Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
