Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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