and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
