i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
