Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
