I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
