Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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