Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
