I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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