His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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