If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
