If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
