Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
