is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
