I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Randomize
