I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Shame - the story of my life.
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