dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
