He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
