Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
