If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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