Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
