Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
