dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize