I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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