I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
