Someone shit on the floor
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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