literally had 100 drinks last night.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
