On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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