Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
