Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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