So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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