Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
