I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
