I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
