Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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