we have pet lesbian snakes
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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